If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
