my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
