totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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