So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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