"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
