I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Randomize
