We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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