I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
