Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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