true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
