How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
