I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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