; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
