how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
