Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
