i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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