Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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