...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Randomize
