The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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