Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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