Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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