is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
