if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Porn is love you can see.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
