FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
