Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
