My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
