Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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