I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
