Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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