you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I came so hard my ears popped.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
