Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
