ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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