You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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