You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
