I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
