I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
