I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
