The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
