i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
COCAINE IS GR8
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
