I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
