Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
