Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
