I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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