Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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