I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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