Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
