so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He? As in you personified your dick?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
