You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
wow bdsm is so cute
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
