I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
