is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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