My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I know her cup size but not her name....
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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