He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
