what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
His nipple licking is glorious
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