Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
