OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
