I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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