do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
