The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
