I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
