Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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