Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
