my soul wont recognize me after tonight
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
