Banned from zoo.
Again?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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