His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
