Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
