..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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