How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
