I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I AM VODKA MAN
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize