can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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