I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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