the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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