I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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