Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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