you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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