when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
look no pants
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
